25 | Spiritual life in the family – Part II | Dr Harbhajan Singh
God is love and love is God and the way back to God is also love. Love is the essence of life. It is not enough to talk about love, we must embody it in our lives, beginning in our own homes. In the family we can develop each other by cultivating spiritual values and leading a disciplined and truthful life. This will draw all closer to the inner source of divine love. To lead a spiritual life we do not have to separate ourselves from the world like a monk or follow some new tradition, but have an inner detachment. This can be compared to a boat, which is in the water, but water does not enter the boat.
The lecture was recorded on 28th July 1991 in St. Gilgen, Austria.
Transcript of “Spiritual life in the family”
Christ said, “Husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the Church.” These words are very potent. In the Guru Granth Sahib (Holy Scripture of the Sikhs), there are more clarifications to these words. Why should a husband love his wife as Christ loved the Church? What means Church? ‘Church’ was the mission of Christ. The Master loves His mission more than anything in the world. The mission is just like a tree, whereas all other things – meditation, our wishes – fruits, that is His love, and all other wishes of the world.
If the tree is cut, then everything will become dry. This importance is given (to the relation) between husband and wife. As I told you – charity begins at home! How does it start? Because God has made a provision to get rid of the tentacles of this world. How to get rid of these tentacles? How to go away from this world, how to solve the mystery of life, how do we overcome all that we have already created in the past? If we follow the teaching, everything becomes very easy.
Master says that the love of the husband lies in the heart of the wife, and the love of the wife lies in the heart of the husband. Why is it so? Because there are the three worlds, and in these three worlds – physical, astral and causal worlds – there are barriers for both man and woman. The distinction between man and woman exists only up to the three worlds and not beyond. Due to this distinction, one has to strive very hard, one has to have a very exact idea about the art of life.
The wife gives birth to the child, and in the womb of the mother, there is the true temple. There the child gets the Light and the Sound. In the womb of the mother, the child gains the consciousness; the child is given a lesson by the Masterpower, the Godpower Himself. As I told you already, when the child comes out of the womb, he cries for that thing, and we provide it to him in an artificial way. The wife – the female – has the possibility to transcend all the barriers, because she can give the right understanding to the child in the womb up to the three worlds. She has the possibility to move from the physical to the astral and from the astral to the causal – there is no hindrance. She can help her husband beautifully, because if she has already transcended these three planes, she can help her husband to take him also to the third plane. This is why the husband should love his wife as Christ loved the Church.
Only if he loves his wife so much as Christ told, this help is there, they both can go very easily. And now at this barrier, the work of the male becomes very easy, because these regions – physical, astral, and causal – are very, very difficult for a man to transcend, as they are full of maya (illusion). Maya creates many problems for the man. Now, from the causal plane, all other planes are very easily transcended by the man. And from that plane, the higher planes above become difficult for the female to travel. These three lower planes are very easily transcended by the female, but the other planes above are very, very hard for her to transcend, and there the husband helps the wife to transcend above. It is just reciprocal. It starts from the home.
This is why right from the beginning I told you: once you are married, you are not supposed to leave each other. Because marriage is a holy knot – you cannot break it. God may break it, but you cannot break. Here in the West, there is one problem: that of divorce. Marriage is considered to be a play of the mind. Those who want to live with the truth have first to live a holy life. They have to settle their homes. Without settling their homes, they cannot rise above, they cannot find the truth, they cannot find the love. This is very important.
The Guru Granth Sahib describes the meaning of the marriage in great detail. If you follow this meaning of marriage, you will start directly from home, because then God gives all possibilities. When both are united, God is united with them. It is a law. Fortunately, we have a condition here according to the teachings: only those will be admitted who determine to live a holy life. Once they are united, they are never supposed to leave each other. By the grace of the Master, there is a very good vibration – everyone is knowing the real subject. They live very nicely with their families, and their children are also getting food (benefit) from them. You know, when the wife and husband are developed, their children get the food from them. A time will come when their children will help them.
At the time of Guru Gobind Singh, his children also learned it. What did they learn? It was a very critical time – it was a period of terror and tyranny, with murder – and nobody was safe. Guru Gobind Singh was the main figure. His whole family was the main figure in the eyes of the enemy. When wife and husband used to sit, they always sought the help of the God Power. They had only one view: to save humanity and to save the truth.
Whatever they said, the next day they did practically. Sometimes we say something very nicely to our children, but in our practical life, they see that it was not right what we spoke before. Children are affected with what we do practically. All Masters have taught: if you want to get Him back – that Power is innate, He is very close to us – then live a true life. With a true life, it comes automatically. It has not to come from outside – it is already within us.
Kabir says that the thing which is lost in this room, you can only get in this room, not outside. Maybe there is darkness, but the thing is in the darkness – you can get it!
A husband should develop his wife, and the wife should develop her husband – that is their job. It is said: if you want to see the wife of a husband, look at her husband – how far she has created (developed) him. From the husband you can know about the wife, because the development of the wife in the house is a must. If she is developed, she can develop her husband, she can develop her children, and she can develop her surrounding also. Master tells us that both should live as examples in the world. How can they live as an example in the world? Master tells us, you have not to break ties with the world. You have to finish with all give and take, and very lovably; you perform all outer rituals and rites, like all other persons are doing. A Master never says that you (should) disconnect from this old tradition and now follow a new tradition. No, he doesn´t say that. If you are Christian, follow all rules of Christians, but you must not be affected by the shackles, because with every ritual and rite there are the shackles that bind the man. You should not be affected by the shackles, but all other things are permitted. Do not look (show yourself) as an extraordinary person. It must appear from within you, not from outside.
We have to live a very ideal life in the world to get the love of God, to go back – there is a provision for it. And this provision starts from the house. You know, this is a big test. In any case, if a husband wants to leave his wife, it is a test for the wife not to leave him. If the wife wants to leave the husband, it is a test for the husband not to leave her. There are very hard and fast rules which Master has provided us. And at the level of the mind we create doubt. With duality, when you feed the doubt, doubts multiply.
Master says, if there is something, forgive and forget. He is the really brave person, he is the very strong person who knows how to forgive and forget – he is the real one. If you know how to forgive and forget, you get the love of the Master. This Masterpower, which is within, innate in the soul, becomes very happy – since you follow His commandment. It is the biggest commandment in the world: to live a holy life while living in the world, while living in your own house. Anyhow, this subject is very long, but let us finish.
And we are not to break ties from the world – we have to detach. You are detached – nobody knows that you are detached. Your condition from inside is known only to one who is detached from the world, not to others. Because when people feel your detachment, they see, “It is a good life, we should also look like that.” But if you detach from the world (outwardly), they say, “No, he is a separate; he is in a sect; he is in an ism.”
Masters never come to create any sect. Man is a social being – he should live there. Do not think that detachment is something else – to look very extraordinary. No, this is not detachment. A boatman knows that his boat must remain in the water, but water must not enter into the boat – that is detachment. This is the holy life. We have to start with the holy life, without which there is no way out.
All Masters have spoken with one and the same opinion. We have to be true to ourselves, and we have to show the truthfulness in the hearts of all other people. Otherwise, sometimes they can affect you. If you show the truthfulness in the heart of other people, they will say, “No, he is very much changed. He only accepts very right things.” They will be afraid of you, and they will respect you. Two things will be there.
Who is a man of detachment? People are afraid of him, and people respect him, because he is the embodied truth, because he is coming nearer to the goal. All want help from him. You (should) be in the world like a flower, giving fragrance everywhere. Anyone who comes to you, if he learns a good lesson from you, you are a symbol of truth – embodied love.
I tell you a very simple example: Whom do we call reformers? They were never reformers before they started reforming. How did they start? When good wishes came out from their heart – these good wishes created (developed) them first. Because it went out of their hearts, like a fire that burns – first it makes its own place very warm, and then the heat that is not consumed by that place transmits to the other directions. When you have good wishes for other people, first it will create you, then it will be transmitted to others. Your good thoughts, good deeds and good actions will create love in you, will create a very harmonious life in you – you can become an embodied truth. That is how to start. When a man starts like this, then the power which is sitting within provides all help. He says, “Okay, my child is coming up.” He gives his treasure. He says, “Okay, you can spend it.” He gives such a treasure which is inexhaustible. You spend it, and it will grow like anything.
The love of the world, when you use it too much, becomes less and less, but the love of God, when you consume it more, it grows more and more, there is no end to that love. Then it crosses all the barriers. Thank you once again!